I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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