i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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