kristin has been a bad kristin
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
