Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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