I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
