oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
