Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
