just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
