Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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