he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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