He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
