her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
