I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
