i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
