The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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