She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
