i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
