how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
