I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
