What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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