somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
