imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
