nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
