he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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