I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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