you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize