Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
