let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
