she was so not down for the gang bang
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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