hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
