I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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