I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
