The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
40s are totally the cure
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
