remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
