I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
