I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
