he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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