we're chasing vodka with high fives
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
