just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
