theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
