he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
