I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
