Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
