Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
