my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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