im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
