but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
