Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
