Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
