I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
