Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
