they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
