I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
