It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she peed on how many people?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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